I just couldn't stop thinking about my daughter. Thankfully, I had distractions. My sweet little weeks old baby kept me busy and tired. So did the other four, whom I was homeschooling. But, still, my OCD brain wouldn't let it go. It was like a mom alarm was going off in my head.
I was remembering a time last spring, when she described a weird ballet class. "I couldn't talk, mommy. Miss Priscilla asked me a question, and I couldn't answer her. She said 'fire hydrant??!!' And everyone laughed. But I wasn't trying to say 'fire hydrant,' mommy." I told her she was just nervous and maybe stuttered or something.
And promptly forgot about it, after all, I was pregnant with number 5, and driving kiddoes all over Houston, while trying to get in an education for them. Much too busy to even think about what that meant at the time.
Then, two weeks before. "mommy, it happened again. I couldn't talk." Really? "when?" "Right now, when I was upstairs." "You must be tired, honey, it's OK." That was about a day before baby Ben was born.
Now, all that came flooding back into my mind. She didn't know she had blanked out. Only that she couldn't talk. She didn't know she was gulping. Only that she didn't talk. Were those other times seizures, too? Were they seizures at all??? What kind of a mother was I??? I didn't even figure out my kid was in trouble until it happened right in front of me. Guilt. Lots of guilt.
Her wonderful pediatrician was very kind and reassuring. She said it could be a seizure, but we really can't know for sure, unless we see more of them, or get them on an EEG. She set up the order for the EEG, and requested an appointment with a pediatric neurologist, but said it would take a long time to be seen. Pediatric neurologists are scarce, and have to review the case, and agree to see the child. So, we have to get in line, and it will take a while.
We'll get the process going, just in case, but we won't order an MRI unless we see another one, because they're expensive, and it may not be seizures at all.
We had to sleep deprive her for the EEG. She loved it. She got to stay up until 1:00 am, watching movies with her Daddy. Who also kindly got up and drove her downtown to TX Children's the next morning at 5:00 am. She wasn't loving it by then. She was tired. She did the whole procedure like a trooper, and came home and slept.
Did I mention my husband is a prince? Well, he is. He's a rock.
The EEG came back normal. The pediatrician said sometimes a child has one incident. If it never happens again, they aren't even labeled epileptic, and nothing is wrong at all. It could just be because she was hot and dehydrated, and tired with the new baby upheaval.
A neurologist agreed to see her. We made an appointment for January 8th. Just in case.
I could breathe again. Life was OK again. The sun was out and we could hear the birds singing.
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